The U.S.S. Quad Damage

Originally, this was going to be an article to rival that of Sunny and Tim's recent mega-posts. Clearly, I saw their dominance of the front page as an affront to my masculinity, so of course I took it as a challenge to out do them. However, I kind of lost steam very early on while writing this article. As enormously talented and wonderful as she is, there is only so much you can research and write about Hilary Duff before you feel the urge to start stabbing your ear with scissors.



I feel that, before we dive straight into the topic matter, we should define what the topic is. I turned to the Internet to help me in this endeavour. Dictionary.com defines "Hilary Duff" as "No entry found for hilary duff." Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary describes her as "The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary." However, I feel that Cambridge Dictionaries Online sums up Ms. Duff in the most accurate manner - "hilary was not found in the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary". Truer words have never been spoken. Of course, mere words can't sufficiently describe the greatness of this 5'4", duck-faced beauty, so here's another picture.



Hilary entered the public eye due to her role on the most excellent TV series Lizzie McGuire, which ran between 2001 and 2004. Oh, Lizzie - what a character! She now has several movies under her belt, including the recent Raise Your Voice, easily my favourite film of the year so far. She has also released two albums, Metamorphosis and Hilary Duff. I expect to see her branching into politics, equestrian and radio astronomy in the near future.



Did you know?
- Born in Texas, 1987 (which makes her not quite 18... eww)
- Has her own fashion line, Stuff
- Now makes over one million dollars per film
- Always has that dark eye make-up thing going on (what's with that?)
- Is supposedly involved in a feud with Lindsay Lohan (Omigod what a skank)
- Had a minor guest appearance on Frasier
- Is involved with many charities, and fancies herself an animal's rights enthusiast
- Is among the 17 people who currently hold restraining orders against me



Teresa who?