It's not easy to organise a get-together. It can't be too close, or people will already have plans, and it can't be too far away, or people will reply too tentatively and cancel at the last minute. Throughout high school, Harpreet, Simon, and Tim have (mostly) been the organisers. I've never quite appreciated how hard their job is until I've had to organise outings. At uni, I became one of the organisers, for some reason. This is not an official title but a role that implicitly gets given to you, because for some reason everyone asks you whether anything's been happening lately.
Similar but different things happened to my high school friends post-high school. The normal organisers got busy, or lazy, or something, but the usual events just weren't happening anymore. Whenever I'd try to put things together, they'd fail miserably. Sometimes only a few people would turn up, somethings things would get cancelled before they really started. I was forced into a period of "man-dating", where I'd go out with Trevardy or Moh, and we'd be the only ones there, probably lamenting the fall of what was a great mix of high school friends.
Harpreet organised something recently, and a fair few people came (not as many as we thought would come originally, but still). It was an excellent day. The interesting thing is that I'm trying to organise something for my uni friends in a couple of weeks, and I'm not sure how to go about achieving success. I figured I'd write something to encourage those of you who are going to actually attend these events to help the organiser along:
Similar but different things happened to my high school friends post-high school. The normal organisers got busy, or lazy, or something, but the usual events just weren't happening anymore. Whenever I'd try to put things together, they'd fail miserably. Sometimes only a few people would turn up, somethings things would get cancelled before they really started. I was forced into a period of "man-dating", where I'd go out with Trevardy or Moh, and we'd be the only ones there, probably lamenting the fall of what was a great mix of high school friends.
Harpreet organised something recently, and a fair few people came (not as many as we thought would come originally, but still). It was an excellent day. The interesting thing is that I'm trying to organise something for my uni friends in a couple of weeks, and I'm not sure how to go about achieving success. I figured I'd write something to encourage those of you who are going to actually attend these events to help the organiser along:
- Reply Promptly
- Even if the answer is "I don't know", it helps the organiser know that they've got a successful PING. If this is not how you want to be contacted, let the organiser know straight away. The worst thing that can happen is you telling them the next day that you didn't know the event was on. If the organiser can't tell between a lazy bastard and someone who didn't get the message then they might neglect to call that someone.
- Invite Others / Fix invitations
- Groups often have sub-groups. There'll be "chains" or small molecules of best-friends who can instantly tell that someone's email is wrong, or that someone hasn't been invited that really should be. The organiser isn't strictly not-inviting people, he probably just doesn't know their emails.
- Be direct and honest
- "I don't want to go because I don't know anyone and I don't like mini-golf" is a much easier problem to deal with than mysteriously not going for some reason, then mysteriously going later when conditions are altered. These can be complicated rules (I'll go only if Bob or Jane go, but not if both Bob and Jane go), but it's better having complicated rules than a yes or no.
- Understand that the event itself is not important
- If you're playing mini-golf, you're not supposed to be an excellent mini-golf player or anything, you're just there to chat and have fun, and mini-golf is just a setting in which you're doing the chatting and having fun. Mini-golf is not the activity, but the setting, where the activity is really hanging out with everyone else. Don't say no to a movie if you've seen it already, just say "I'm in, but I've already seen 'Days of Thunder 3: Tokyo Drift'". Worst case, you'll watch a movie you've already seen, but you'll still have fun with everyone else.
- Don't cancel at the last minute
- This is really a "don't change your mind at the last minute" but it's usually a good thing if you can make it when you said initially that you couldn't (but if you do then ring first). However, last-minute cancellations are worse than they you might think. Not only does it mean that resources that were allocated to you by the organiser must go to waste, but it also means that someone else who was going because you were going now also can't / won't make it. This can have cascade effects which are devasating to any gathering. Further, sometimes people can't make it for legitimate reasons, and that can have flow on effects, and you're effectively doubling that effect, unless you don't have a good reason.
I do this as part of my job sometimes, and I think event/meeting organising is much easier in a professional sense, than a social one.
A lot of the time it is because political differences are more transparent (or at least logical) and therefore a lot easier to cater for. Maturity, and people looking at the bigger picture, is a big factor in this too - for the sake of progressing a meeting, they can put differences of opinion aside in the interest of others.
Anyway, in terms of organising, we either have forms for delegates to fill in (we ask appropriate questions to find out what we need to know, to be able to organise everything), or in the case of my colleagues or external dignitaries, I can access their diaries or PAs to find out availability.
I think having immediate access to people's disposition is necessary in efficiently organising an event.
What's more, using MS Outlook's Yes/No/Tentative respond buttons to Meeting invites is very handy.
I gave up organising mass social events a while ago. Quite frankly, I was getting frustrated because people didn't get along with other people, and as an organiser - if you got along with both people, it became an issue for you as well.
Even with this weekend, I think there were a couple of people that didn't come because they knew other people were coming. This is entirely their choice, and of course no-one can make them come, but from an organiser's point of view, what do you do in that situation? Is this mentioned in Gumby's Guide to Social Etiquette? Not inviting someone so the other person will come (maybe because you know they would really enjoy X activity or something) could obviously potentially lead to problems. Unfortunately, when you invite everyone to come, sometimes a person that you really wanted to come so you could spend time with them may not come because they know someone else will be there.
This is why the only things that I am comfortable in organising now, are small get togethers. In fact the only thing that I have really organised in a long time is asking people to come over and play xbox with me!
Back to the point - trying to include certain others now requires too much thinking about possible social consequences, which shouldn't be an organiser's concern. What then ends up happening is that people don't get invited because of the possible complications and the organiser gets made out to be a selfish prick. If it comes down to a choice of inviting 'that' person or 'this' person, sometimes the choice is 'neither' person just to avoid conflict.
In fact, some might say that trying to organise something can be such an amount of work that it is a selfless task because of the lack of thanks, and the effort put in to try and make others have fun.
I actually wish I was stronger, in the sense that I could just say "tough luck; this is the date and this is who is coming!". But unfortunately I am still in a mindset that everyone has to be happy and everything has to be perfect, and if I don't make it so I have failed. I never mind assisting behind the scenes now - did so for this weekend - it takes the pressure off with having to deal with the above situation.
Also, having to deal with the problems associated with invited guests takes the attention away from the part where the organiser is organising the actual activity. This may lead to some minor thing being forgotten, which may have an effect eg. Forgetting to make sure there are toilets available.
Of course, it's almost always a hassle trying to organise something that has food involved, a perfect example was this weekend's BBQ. Catering for a vegetarian may be an obstacle, but is easily overcome because at least you have options.
But, with food, when it comes to whether people bring their own or you provide it, this can become a problem. I know for a fact how much the food cost for this weekend, and this leads to issues of whether the organiser should be asking for money from people or just wear the cost (significant, might I add). If people bring their own food, there might be less hassles over money, but certain things inevitably are forgotten. Eg. Who's bringing the utensils, or oil for the BBQ?
In short, I hate organising things now, I'll just turn up to things, and secretly know how much effort was required to pull it off, and thank the organiser later - I'll also give them the "I know what you went through" wink.
I find free/busy information is not that useful. The more important thing is that you're at work for 40 hours a week, it's a lot easier to find a slot to put that meeting into. People have to prioritise their free time, even if that's lazing about. Your brain needs rest sometimes.
The big problem is that the expectation is that you will go to a meeting at work. If you don't go to a meeting it won't go away, just rescheduled, but there's no requirement to be at a friendly meeting. Still, I find it extra-ordinary how little people are willing to do to help you out.
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