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5/01/2005

High on Christianity

For those that don't know, a high school friend of mine (Lewis) is a Jehovas witness, along with his mum. This makes it very hard to say nasty things to her face, because it's pretty much an unwritten rule that you respect the mums of all your friends. Anyway, as a result, I end up with all the Jehovas witness magazines. If you've never read those Jehovas witnesses magazines before (which I'm guessing is everyone who's not a Jehovas witness), I'll fill you in:

There are two magazines that they hand out. One is called "Awake", and the other "The Watchtower". Awake is a magazine which at first glance tends to have normal(ish) articles. There was an article on Capoiera and one on Cherry blossoms. Normal enough, except the concluding paragraph is always something like "Therefore, God is great and all sinners will go to hell". To take the examples to task, the Cherry blossoms article ends with "Fragile in form and yet powerful enough to influence the culture of a nation, the cherry blossom is an outstanding example of the subtle beauty found among our Creator's masterful works."

The Capoeira article has an interesting, and I think somewhat more frightening twist. The article, to me, seemed rather positive, with a small mention of how it is easy to hurt someone. The last paragraph, though, goes: "A careful examination of Bible principles led Edmilson and Augusto, mentioned earlier, to quit performing Capoeira. They decided that their spiritual and physical health were too precious to be put at risk. Although they once enjoyed the contagious rhythm and graceful movements of Capoeira, they have decided that it is not compatible with the Bible, which teaches men to 'learn war no more'". Apparently, you'd need Bible XP *nerdy laugh*.

It sounds very authoritarian. In their articles, they kind of mingle in psalms and things from the bible, which kind of twists the article around a bit. Their rather more front-page style articles have names like "Helping teens in trouble" and "Does God approve of same-sex marriage?". Needless to say, the articles were way too long for a conclusion that was apparent from the headline, so I didn't read them. However, I'm sure it's more of the same. Going through the subheadings, they talk about teenagers having too much sex and taking drugs. You see a peppering of TLAs for STDs and drugs. The answer, clearly, lies in the Bible. Anyway, if it's watered down articles or technical documentation I'd rather read the technical documentation, which I guess means I'd rather just read the Bible.

The Watchtower is rather more direct. There are titles like "Science and the Bible: Do they contradict each other?". The conclusion is that they do not: "True science harmonises with the Bible". It's far more heavy with the religious references. You know what you're getting into, and I like that. What I like more than that, though, is the pictures, which are truly precious. Seeing as it's the April 1st issue, I thought I'd scan and upload them and poke a bit of a fun. Pics below.

[1] Watchtower, April 1st, 2005
[2] Awake!, April 8th, 2005



Remember kids...Check out the bling, broThe matrix is everywhereI'm thinkingI'll take you all onI like to thinkJesus gets all the bitchesAlright dude, that's pretty kinkyWe're high on ChristianityCheck out my beardNow I know what Harry potter feels likeBust a cap in yo assWhat the hell is that?How to chat up chicksBlack people are well endowedIsraelite sounds like a chemicalJohn tries to catch a football
 Comments (4)
God still loves you.
 
I used to swallow this crap too =(

HAHAHA! now I'm a model athiest/skepdic =)
 
Anonymous Anonymous
It doesn't matter if it's April 1st, April fools is a Chrisindom holiday that probably has to do with hating jesus. JW's are the only religion based on translating the bible rather then stupid traditions and symbols

If you don't beleave any of it I guess you can go back to beleiving your angels in bodies and that we men don't pee and later our whole tube will be cut off like in evolutions beleaf system(I can morph my body if I think hard enough and in the right local...no no my "soul" will do it, oh lets get horny over the form to we can never take our cloths off again even though animal never realy get horny over form weeeeeeee). Also go back to beleiving empty space(ghost) looks like a man and the grave is the lake of fire and brimstone of eternal torment....and since evolutionist beleave hell(grave) doesn't exist and that life is a body rather then we are the body and are consious, then I guess where alive when were dead too cause were still a bodie.

Oh yeah remember the the crisendom soul(eternal after death rather then what a simple translation tells: person/creature/being/life of the creature being enjoyed) I guess we have them if we beleive evolution because we are seperate from all that going on in the head, oh and we creat the body because were angels and it's not the centeral part of the univures that made us which in the bible says has no form

OH yeah genbob that religon was already athiest probobly(Jesus not the son of god lies yet they'll still say it to trick you....you know them saying jesus is god then saying hes the son the other second). Jesus translates into something that has the true gods name in it and that that he is of "him", so when they gave him long hair they ARE depicting jesus as all of man and worshop us all and since in the bible he has short hair...(and they are pre-evolution as I call them as they beleive only physical things can be awake and that the so-called sprit(translation: force/will/wind/basicly everything)world will just be a seperate physical realm, and that evolutionist will never correct translation errors like they still beleave the cross was t shaped when other translations say pole and torture steak, while cross meant they the people on the pole were crossed with it with a nail).

BTW JW's will never have something like that down...only if everyone is up to date on what hell is and that god always nature would they put that down.
 
Anonymous Anonymous
Let me edit the end since I don't have an edit.

JW's will never be chrisendom and claim hell is something else. It will always be the grave. SO they'll never put so god is great and they will will all go to hell.

Only if everyone entirly knew that hell was another word for the grave would they put that down, also you need to know what sin translates into fully too, it means more along the words error rather then whats in the dictionary, which is just meanings by popular vote.
 

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